Am I Brave?
The past few days I have had people tell me I am brave for the vulnerability with which I share. While I am flattered by the compliment, I also don't feel like I am all that brave. And I would guess many of you don't either.
Vulnerability. I bet when I say that word you either think of a time you have been vulnerable OR you think of something you haven't opened up about yet. I am also guessing, if you are anything like me, the word vulnerability makes you a little nervous.
In the past couple years I have made the decision to be open with a few people about everything in my life. Through counseling and some amazing community, I have come to share the deepest, darkest secrets and some of the most pie in the sky hopes. Sharing in a counselors office was hard. Sharing with my closest people was harder, almost impossible. And then sharing with people I am not as close with, well that just sucked. Telling people about the most painful things, or those dreams you fear will never come true, is one of the hardest things you will ever do. No sugar coating it. It just sucks to hear the deepest parts of you come out of your mouth in words. Sharing you deep hurt, or those dreams you think will never come true so you don't even want to say it. Those things are hard to verbalize.
But (you know there has to be a but) sharing has been one of the best things I have ever done. There is an immense feeling of freedom that has come from sharing. I am no longer bound within the walls of shame. I can fly free with little fear. I suppose that being vulnerable could be called being brave. I don't often see that since I know it was only in the strength of God I ever told anyone anything. I don't often see it has brave since I still fight to not be open with people all the time. And I doubt every time I open my mouth.
Maybe one day I will see the bravery in my words. Today however, I am content to just rest in the freedom.