Waiting For Something Beautiful

A couple years ago I broke down and subscribed to Amazon Prime. They sucked me in showing me how much I spent on shipping in a year, and it was way more than the subscription fee. And while I love getting my packages in two days and the free movies/shows that come along with my subscription, I am starting to wonder if conveniences like Prime, my iPhone, and other technologies are creating something in me I didn't anticipate. A complete and total lack of patience. 

I have always eagerly anticipated the "next" thing. Always asking God and others around me, "what's next?" I was always the first one up at 6 a.m. on Christmas morning ready to see what Santa brought me. And, I think subtly, being surrounded by instant gratification has eroded my already meager supply of patience. I am finding myself frustrated by things that are taking months to materialize. I am annoyed when something takes a day longer than I think it should. Maybe it has nothing to do with modern technology, and has more to do with my desires being bigger and deeper than ever before. But I think the instant gratification has changed me, creating an expectation for quick resolution to my waiting.

I have been waiting on God for some big things in my life over the past few years. Things like big changes that only God could make. Marriage. Deep friendships. Healing. Hope. A loving heart. Passion. Direction. Things that I have to trust him for. I cannot muster these desires of my heart no matter how hard I try. I can cultivate friendships in my life in hopes they become deep and fruitful, but I can't control that. I can seek a loving heart and be disciplined in my actions, but I have to chose to trust God to help me live from a place other than my selfishness. I can desire marriage and work to be the healthiest person I can be, and seek to be social and not a hermit, but I can't make someone fall in love with me, I have to wait upon God to bring that about. 

The days I trust are days I am doing well. But many days I admit, I don't trust. For MONTHS God has been repeating Isaiah 43:19 to me over. and over. and over. It has popped up on social media from many different, unconnected people. It's been in talks I have "randomly" decided to listen to. I was talking to a woman I barely know, and she started just speaking the words over me, telling me that it seemed like God has these words in store for me. If I were being honest, I would say I was sick of hearing them. In case you don't know the words:

Behold, I am doing a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert.

I am waiting for these words to become true. Because right now, nothing seems new. Everything seems painfully the same. I am eagerly waiting for the new. Waiting for the streams, waiting for the way forward. Frustrated with the fact that the new seems to be taking forever. However, friends keep reminding me of a difficult truth that modern technology has removed, things are sweeter for the waiting. How much more will I celebrate healing when I have to wait for it? How much more will I treasure relationships when I have to wait for them to materialize? While most days I am hating the waiting, I am also starting to see my faith grow just a little bigger as I wait on God. Knowing that one day I will see what he was doing in this time. He is changing me in the waiting and the pain and the frustration more than he could with instant answers to all my desires. 

So, are you waiting for something? Maybe you are reading this while waiting for your morning coffee to finish brewing. Maybe you are waiting on your best friend to call you back so you can have a long awaited chat. Or a package you ordered on Sunday from Amazon Prime? Maybe you are waiting on something bigger, like a positive pregnancy test or something hard results from the doctor that change everything. We are all waiting, be it something big or something small. My prayer for you (and for myself) is that we wait well. That we trust God with the big and the small and know he is present with us. Be patient my friends, God has something beautiful in store, we just have to wait for it.